Chaos, Crazies and Charamania ... "Part 2"

"Conservativille"

In my last blog I gave a little peek into my journey and adventure from my home town "conservativille" to the big wild city of "Charasmatropolis". The move for me was very fast and at first felt like a perfect fit, but, over time, began to make me feel more like I had "lost" my way than "found" my way... and, like I said at the end of the last blog, I think I know why.





The first thing that happened when I experienced the real, true, and exciting encounter with God was "Chaos". By chaos I mean the feeling of having all of your life poured into one of those dime store christmas snow domes and having some gorilla shake the s--t out of it. I suddenly had a gift, that a couple days ago I did not believe in, I suddenly realized I did not know as much as I thought I did, I suddenly realized I had only lived or known one dimension of this "Christian" life I truely thought I was fully living ... this chaos seemed to leak into every part of my life. Now remember I was still living in "Conservativille" and even though I looked for help, I could not find anyone in my town who could help me understand what had happened. So, I began to look for help outside of our town, I began to read books that our little towns library did not stock, I began to venture outside of the city limits to see what the big city had to offer, I even went to concerts, and events held in the big city... I know, dangerous, but sooo much fun... I felt so at home ... my chaos felt at peace in the chaos of the big city.





On my trips to the city I met new people and made new friends... thier story was alot like mine. They had the same interests and abilities that I did and they seemed to know how to use them. They were not afraid to talk about them, laugh at them, or even play with them to see what could happen. I met people who had alot of experience in the big city and offered to show me around... these people told me things about myself that only I knew... my deep heart desires. I found myself wanting to spend more and more time in the city... I felt so out of place in little Conservativille... I felt like my friends there did not understand me ... I felt like there was no one there who could help me... when I was in Conservativille my chaos would increase until I could hardly breath. When I was in the big city I felt peaceful, understood, encouraged and my chaos seemed to disappear... So, I moved to the Big City... I packed up my life and moved to Charasmatropolis. I thought the chaos would go away...but, it did not. It seemed the move only increased the problem ... I lost all of my friends in Conservativille, I did'nt get invited to any parties, concerts or events ... some people, not everyone, in Conservativille (those who feared the big city Charasmatropolis) did all they could to make sure I knew I was not welcome in Conservativille anymore. This only caused my chaos to increase and in order to live in the big city I moved my heart from Conservativille as well... something I never wanted to do.

"Charasmatropolis"

You see, I love Conservativille. It is where I grew up ... where all my childhood friends are ... all the people I admired as a child and wanted to be like when I was grown... The people who taught me things I could never learn in the big city, you know, that home town wisdom and understanding that comes from being in the same place for a long time and having deep roots... deep roots. Conservativille taught me that there are things in life that are constant and unmovable... that grey is not a good color to paint everything with ... My life was strong and secure and solid and sure and successful... No wonder they thought I had lost my mind when I entered into such massive chaos... No wonder they thought I was making a big mistake when I moved to Charasmatropolis. You see, I would have never left Conservativille if someone there would have helped me learned how to embrace what I was going through without denying the positive effects it was having on my life... but, no one would or could ... If someone would have been curious and walked with me in the chaos I would have built a home in Conservativille.





Chaos is healthy and is necessary when you need and desire transformation. After chaos has its season, structure begins to emerge and take shape to enable the new life to find strength, or something to lean on, until the new life can stand on its own ... Chaos must come to an end, structure must follow or chaos will continue to create more chaos. Things like structure and wisdom and curiousity both strenghten and protect ... they bring chaos to an end and cause a strong and sustainable life.





My move to Charasmatropolis seemed to build a greenhouse for chaos to flourish while at the same time making it nearly impossible for a person to find things like structure and wisdom. When I realized that the chaos in Charasmatropolis may never stop I knew I would not be able to live like this forever ... I had no idea what would happen but I knew it would get me... like a hungry old bear or like a crafty old wolf ... yes three old hungry wolves... The first one attacks and his name is chaos ... while you are still spinning from chaos ... the second wolf named crazies begins to circle ... we will talk about this crazy wolf in part three.