How #2 ... "We are all a bunch of TOOLS!"

1964 Ford Galaxy 500

I love building Kustom Cars ... (as you may have guessed) ... its more than a hobby and its to much fun to be a job.  I know this will sound all artsy fartsy ... but, when I see an old car I hear this little voice in my head... ( I know it could be one of my other personalities) ... the little voice starts saying things like... "Please, make me beautiful again",  Hi, I'm old and still have a lot to offer,  "If, you would look beyond the dirt and rust you will see what I could be... I can still turn heads" ...  and a few other things ... but, that's good for now.  It seems that building kustom cars has been a part of my life forever but, I started building for myself when I was 15 years old. 

I took a summer job running the wood chipper at "The Lutesville Pallet Shop" in Lutesville, Missouri two months after I turned 15 and purchased a 1964 Galaxy 500 two door post for 400.00 bucks... It was dirty and covered in bird poop but, I loved it and it was mine.  It took some elbow grease and a lot of cleaning but before long it sparkled like new and ran like a sewing machine... turquoise with a white top ... it was during the next year that I learned the importance of having tools.

"Tools"... "I Love Tools" ... Tools make me happy ... now, I know for those of you who are un-schooled in tools ... you are wondering, why I would say "I Love Tools" or say "Tools make me Happy"... Well, ... let me enlighten you... Quite simply put ... with the right tools you can accomplish anything ... when you purchase, or invest, in better tools... your work gets better ... and the "Right" tools for the Right job makes the entire job easier.... and that is the Gods honest truth.  I believe that the greatest gift given to man ... (after woman) ... was good tools ... that's why I polish them, and clean them, and keep them in a special box... ( sorry, I got all excited)  But wait, before you think I am only referring to wrenches and hammers, or screw-drivers and metal dollies I am not ... When speaking of tools I am also, because of my entertainment, artist and musical background, thinking of thinks like sculpting tools, brushes, puppets, guitars and banjos... these are simply tools in the hands of craftsmen... or craftswomen, or crafts persons ...

I know you are thinking "Jesse, Jesse, Jesse ... enough about your little love affair with tools ... And I would agree that yes, I do have an unusual affection for things that help me ..."Git-R-Done"...  And yes I am about to turn this tool metaphor into "How #2"... So, lets just get down to it ... The thought that I have been having is that ... wait for it ... I have never thought of how the car feels about the tool.  Bare with me here ... imagine ... you are the car, the object of "the fix" ... you are dirty, rusty, broken, and in need of repair... "The fixer" with the right tool in hand (grinder, cutting torch, buffer, sand paper, hammer etc...) comes at you with a big smile on his face ... having heard the small voice in his head ... "make me beautiful again ... or If you would look closer you would see, or ... what ever you said ... and then the sparks start flying ... Imagine the thoughts you would have as the paint begins to smoke, the smell as the precious coating that used to shine and sparkle begins to bubble and peel and fly into the air before it lays lifeless on the floor of the garage mixed in with all the other dirt... that will be swept up and thrown out ... "The Fixer" looks so happy... because he has a vision ... you just feel stripped to the bare metal ... all your rust exposed ... your dents gleaming ... You would probably question "The Fixer" but you would hate "The Tool" ...  You see tools are designed to loosen things that are tight and stuck, cut things that so corroded they can not be fixed or removed ... Tools are designed to blast things into pieces so they can be renewed, or made better than new ... Some of these tools are intimidating, they have large wooden handles and are heavy ... some tools are even dangerous ... If used improperly  they can cause more damage than good ... "The Fixer" knows the tools and knows how and when to use which tools for the greatest effect to insure his vision is achieved.  

The metaphor of tools is not new to teachers as a way to convey the thought or suggestion that some of us need to be repaired or fixed.  "The Fixer" or person who will use the tools to do the work of fixing is not a new metaphor  either.  However, "How #2" is all about the tools.  It has been my experience that the tools used by "The Fixer" is almost always people.  "How #2 ... People are TOOLS"! ... And, if that's not bad enough ... the tools that blast you apart for repair are the same tools that put you back together.  "People are TOOLS". 

Therefore, If people are the tools, then who is "The Fixer"... ??? ... Well, "The Fixer" better be smarter than the tool ... that's for sure ...  "The Fixer" better be experienced and should understand which tools are best for which job ...  And, the "TOOLS" better understand that they are "Tools"  and not "The Fixer". 

When I talk about "Coservativille" or "Charasmatropolis" I am not thinking of a geographical location, or a group of people ... I am not thinking of a specific person or thing that has caused a chain of events that has brought me to this place.  I am thinking about How "The Fixer" is using "Tools" to shape, restore, renew or redesign me.  When I think of people as "Tools" it gives me the ability to see how they were used by "The Fixer" for the good that he intends to see in my life ...  Because, I am the one in need of "The Fix" ... A Tool can not fix itself ... Other Tools are needed and used by "The Fixer" to provide "The Fix"  for the Tool in need.   Only "The Fixer' knows what needs to be fixed.  Only "The Fixer" is qualified to use "The Tools"  on the" Tool" in need of "The Fix"...  I was, am, and always will be in need of "The Fix"   The "Tools" in Conservativille and in Charasmatropolis were just being tools and they were being used by "The Fixer" to provide "the Fix" for me, a fellow "Tool".   "The Tools", who were used by "The Fixer",  may have been aware or may have been unaware of the way "The Fixer" was using them ... What the Tool thinks or is aware of is not that important to "The Fixer".  The Tool may have had thoughts of grandeur, importance or calling ... the Tool may have had thoughts of harm, jealousy or malice ... But, "The Fixer" is not concerned with the thoughts, motives, or intentions of the Tool ... "The Fixer" was only concerned about his vision and what he was creating me to be ... the Tools he choose to work with were the "Perfect Tools" for the job.  "The Fixer" also chose many tools to work with ... "The Fixer" will never use only one tool ... even though it may be a special tool that can do specialized things ...  "The Fixer" will never need only one tool.  "The Fixer" has a very large tool box and it is full of many diverse tools and they all want to be used and "The Fixer" will use them all.  

When I think of people as the objects "The Fixer" would use to fix me,  I get drawn into "good behaviour vs. bad behaviour" a trap that forces me to choose who did right to me and who did wrong to me ... and this causes me to get stuck in the past ... always trying to fix or forgive or undo or re-do or do something, anything just to help or get help ... I want to find a reason, a cause, a failing or a fault that can be resolved ... My feelings get involved... I use words like hurt, betrayal, lies, sin, blah-de-blah etc. etc. I wonder things like WHY? or WHO ... I begin to try to be more than a tool, I try to find the good tools and the bad tools ... I get worried that "The Fixer" will never use me again... I try to be the best tool in the tool box... I try to shine myself,  I try to fix other tools and, if I am not careful, I will begin to let myself be attracted  by anything that looks like work ... I will call anything that makes me feel used or needed "The Fixer"... I will get caught up in activity that has nothing to do with "The Fixer" so I, "the most shiny tool", will not be bored or feel alone ... If I stay on this track I will soon start to think that "The Fixer" really, Really, REALLY NEEDS ME ... I Think I am the greatest Tool... (This is when all the other tools think you are just a "Big Tool") ... This is when you are in need of "The Fix"... When we forget that we are all just tools, like all the other tools in the box, ... this, ... is when we need "The Fix" the most.  

When I embrace the thought that I, and all of you, are a bunch of "TOOLS"...  I am free to become "A Tool" that could possibly be used one day or maybe today.  I get to ... get out of the box, I get to be what I was made to be, I can be happy to be used by "The Fixer" ... and ... "I can be a very Happy TOOL" ... I love to be used by "The Fixer" I get all excited when the drawer slides open and I see "The Fixer" looking into my drawer ... or in my direction ... I always hope "The Fixer" will choose me ... every time ... and, to be honest, I am happiest when "The Fixer" chooses me ... but, I am also happy when "The Fixer" chooses someone else in my drawer ... at least I know he is still working and still needs us.  I love the stories that other Tools have to tell of how "The Fixer" used them and how they were the perfect tool for the job.  Telling stories is  my favorite thing to do when we are all in the tool box waiting to be used.   You see "the Fixer" loves, and wants to use his Tools... They cost him a lot, He has  invested heavily in them, He knows they work, He knows they are the right tools for the right job, He takes great care of them, When he needs them he knows right where they are, He keeps them clean, He puts His trust in them, He depends on them ...    

How #2 ... We ARE NOT "The Fixer" ... We are ALL "TOOLS"

Question before How#2...???

Before we start with "How #2" I would like to tell you a little story.  I started posting this blog with the hope of hearing from people who I knew were reading along ... and have, for the most part, heard from different readers at different times depending on what I was writing about and how they identified with the topic ... normally the feed-back is about how much they can identify with what is being said.  However, on my last post, "How #1" I received the most feedback ... I wonder if it is because in my previous posts people felt nervous about the topic or about the way I was speaking openly about the topic, and did not want to "take sides" or offend or fuel any wild fires etc.   The theme of "How #1" was Focus on, and Only on, what you love ... and it is always safe to aline ourselves with the "Love" topic... after all we are christians (whatever that means) ... What do you think? ... What did you feel?  Where you relieved that I did'nt start naming names and telling horrible church abuse stories... I guess what I am really asking is: Does love and loving each other really mean that much to us ... or is it just a big pretty rug that we can sweep all our questions, fears, negativity, etc. etc. under and ignore... and then get back to acting normal...(what ever normal is) ...  It is IN the question or questions of life where we become lost enough to seek and ask for God's  help ... God is found in our questions.

How ... #1

I realize even before I write the first "How" that this is totally my opinion and the "How To" will be biased and based in all my very own personal and emotional associations ... however, I desire to help those who are chasing after the illusive.  My desire is to offer my experiences and share my story so I can be to someone else what I really wanted ... 

How #1 is simple... When you feel or see something about to change "focus on, and only on, what you love".  You see there are many things I really love about "Conservativille", and there are many things I really love about "Charasmatropolis".  

For instance here is a list... the WHAT I LOVE about "Conservativille" list... I love the security, I love the safety, I love the roots, I love the way they took interest in your development, I love the way they trained you,  I love the way they search the Bible for real answers, I love the foundation, I love the way you feel so right, I love the way they see "not-yet-believers", I love the way they enlighten the mind, I love the way they study every week to make sure what they preach is really right, I love they way they quietly handle money, I love the way they want you to be successful so you can have a bigger voice,  I love the way they see preaching and teaching as a real live gift from God.  I love the way they research ways to prove what they believe, I love the way they are concerned about context and content, I love the emphasis they put on loving God with your heart, soul, MIND and strength, I love the way peoples lives are changed and they become better people because their minds have been renewed by the Word of God ... I love the way they let God's Word be the final word... "It says it, I believe it, that settles it"  I love the way they get people actively involved in practical ministries that make a difference,  I love the way they see Sunday morning as a place to engage with people seeking to meet, or get to know God ... and they are aware that their actions effect others, I love the respect shown when someone is praying, or reading, or teaching, or singing... I love the way that some displays of intimacy for God are for personal private space and not publicly displayed ... I love the way the leaders really watch what is going on like a Shepperd... I love the way they are not afraid of structure and believe that God is bigger than structure and can work around it or in it... I Love, Love, Love the way they adore Jesus... the Jesus focus...  I love their stories of how powerful preaching changed everything... These are a few things I love about "Conservativille" and I had to make myself stop... there are many more things I could write.  

Now here is the What I LOVE about "Charasmatropolis" list ...  I love the way they put the emphasis on "Love the Lord your God with your HEART, SOUL, mind and STRENGTH"... I love the way they Worship... the way they sing to God... I love the way they show their love by raising their hands, clapping, speaking out in support, dancing, etc.  I love their energy, I love the way they rejoice, I love the way  they laugh, I love the way they believe that God can do ANYTHING he wants when ever He wants, I love the way they see the "EVERYTHING" in the Great Commission... I love the way they see God as a Father who is to be loved and enjoyed,  I love they way they what to really know God not just "know about" him.  I love the way they want to see the Power of God today... I love the way they believe that ALL the gifts of the Spirit are still available to be used today to help spread the gospel.  I love their anticipation and hope they feel when they pray... The way they believe that it will happen because God can make it happen.  I love the way they believe in miracles and signs and wonders that help "not-yet-believers" believe.  I love their stories of how the power of God through believers changed everything... I love the way they focus on the person of "Holy Spirit" and how we can partner with him today... the Holy Spirit focus.  I love the way they see Holy Spirit as the manifest presence of God on the earth TODAY... the third person of the Trinity is still working on earth today and we can partner with Him.  I love the way they enjoy God when he does something on the earth ... the way they believe first and doubt later.  I love the freedom they seek... I love the possibilities they believe in.  I love the GOOD in their good news.  Oh, and the stories, ... I love their stories ... the stories of the adventures of Godly men and women, filled with the Spirit, On Fire, Uneducated, Ordinary men and women that others see and say "those people have been with Jesus"... TODAY... I love the way they put a lot of emphasis on TODAY.  It is the same yesterday, TODAY, and forever...  choose TODAY who you will serve... Holy Spirit is active TODAY... These are a few things I LOVE about "Charasmatropolis" ... and again I had to stop.  I could go on and on.  

As far as I am concerned I can love these things without being in any conflict what so ever.  I am able to see God in both of these places and enjoy Him.  I am not deceived or mislead by either side.  As long as I focus on what I love I am fine... It is when I begin to live by comparison, or begin to only focus on what I do not love that I find myself in a position of wanting to leave one place for another.  It is when I feel I must defend where I am living ... then I must find the justification to reject and attack what I love.  The truth is I do not want to attack, reject or defend ... I want to be able to embrace what I love... I want to be able to love what I love with my whole heart... without reservation.

Now, before you start thinking I am starting to back off of the things I said in the last few blogs... be assured I am not.  I believe Chaos, Crazies, and Charasmania are the things that derail the Faith, Facts and Feelings train ... However, I am not willing to throw away the experience, or the wisdom gained through out my life as a preacher in order to return to an old home, remodel an existing home or build a new home ... I want to reinvent the way I relate to these places so I can BE who I really am, where ever I am, and fully Love where I am.  I, like many of you, have things, wisdom, insight, ideas, resources, gifts, etc. that are needed and we need to use... I can choose to live like the "desert fathers" in a hole in the wilderness, alone and gifted... but I don't want to ...  That sucks... If my only choice is to live alone with my own personal beliefs, in a hole, in the wilderness, and wait to see if anybody seeks me out ... that just plain ol' sucks... I don't want to do that ... nor do I want to have to go around kissing every bodies butt, turning my nose from tan to brown, acting like I'm sorry for what I have done in order to gain a spot to be heard ... I am not sorry for what I have done.  I have regret that I have acted certain ways, said certain things, behaved poorly, offended  ... but, If I had not chased the illusive I would not have made any of the discoveries, nor had the adventures. nor be able to tell the stories that I can today... I could not be more truthful or have deeper insight ... I would not have the wisdom that only experience can give you ... and for this I will never be sorry... As a matter of fact I am grateful ... I can only rejoice and be very happy that I have had a "Great Adventure with God" and am alive to tell it.  I LOVE my life, I LOVE doing things with and for God, I LOVE Jesus... He is my Hero, Saviour,etc.etc.  I LOVE Holy Spirit... his power, his inspiration, his insight, his instruction ... and, ...  I love it that, because of my life, my failures and successes, I  know things that you do not, ...and, ... If I know, have wisdom, or have experienced truth, that you have not, then I just might ... could it be possible ? ... that I have truth that you do not believe yet ... I am convinced that you know things that I do not and that you have experienced truth that I have not ... Imagine what could happen if we focus on, and only on, what we love about that.

If someone would have given me permission to fully love "Conservativille" while exploring the big city of "Charasmatropolis" I may have been able to keep a lot of the things I really love most in Conservativille ... the people ... the humans ... If I had continued to show my love to these people while I was exploring and changing I may have been able to keep many of them ... and at the end of it all, ... what I really miss are the people, ... the humans ... What really makes me sad about moving from "Conservativille to Charasmatropolis" was leaving the people I loved ... I miss the humans.  If someone had told me when I moved from "Charasmatropolis"  that the thing I would miss the most would be humans ... ( I would have sworn at them, flipped them the bird and told them to kiss me somewhere lower than my back and higher than my legs, oh come on!  I was burned out, tired, angry and broke, you just can't say that kinda stuff,) ... yes, it's still a bit fresh ... however, I would have to say they were right.  Now that I am in a different place, yet to be defined and governed by simple principles, I can say there are many humans I dearly love and really miss in the Big City.

(I just had a thought... I wonder if Jesus misses hanging out with the humans... I wonder if he was sad he had to go back to heaven because he would miss Peter the human and John the human ... I wonder if Jesus gets excited and happy when He thinks of getting to come back and live with His fellow humans ... We know how much God loves humans ... Jesus loved Humans too, to do what he did, and of course He is one ... I would guess Holy Spirit loves humans seeing how He lives in humans ... just a thought)  

I wonder what would have happened if I would have just kept letting people know how much I love them as I went from town to city ... I'm sure it would have been different... I wonder what would have happened if I would have just let people know how sad I was to have to move instead of acting so excited or called or strong... What if I had just sat down and cried with them and said how sad I was to have to move and told them how much I would miss them... what If I had said "Don't worry, I will be back!  I will tell you all the stories, and, we will laugh at my failures, rejoice at my success's, and cry because we are so happy to see each other ... and it will be like you were with me the whole time ... 

How #1 "Focus on, and Only on, What you Love.

Chaos, Crazies, and Charasmania ... part 4

We have talked about Chaos, and we have talked about Crazies, but, we have not talked about Charasmania ... What in the world is Charasmania ? ... Charasmania is to Christianity what "Wrestle-mania is to Sports. Charasmania is the ability to script the meeting so you get the outcome you desire in order to keep the Holy Spirit on the move and people coming back. Charasmania is knowing the outcome of something before you know the content... deciding what will happen in the end regardless of what truly is happening but, making it look real. It is Christian Entertainment for prosperity and profit. In short we are always looking for the Hulk, or the Andre the Giant, or the Rock, or the Steve Austin or the Triple H or the John Cena to win, or lose, when they "show up" we look good and make more money ...SO, doing whatever it takes, to get the desired outcome, to make those watching happy, so they support what we want to do... and doing it in a way that looks real. Or, if that is to close to home or true to think about, then ... if Chaos is culture and Crazies are people then Charasmania is the Camelot they thrive and multiply in. Camelot is a fictional euphoric city of peace and brotherhood and when it stumbled into chaos, they had to search for the Holy Grail to save them... Charasmania is the never ending search for the Holy Grail.

For instance... As a church staff you meet on Tuesday mornings to go over the results of Sunday morning. Tuesday is the best day because it takes the preacher a whole day to get over, or bounce back, from all he poured out on Sunday... (there is a reason for this and you will see why in a bit) ... They talk about very important things like, how the video went, were we on time, how worship sounded mainly "was it to loud", did the announcements go to long, was the message well received, was there a sense of community, how big was the offering, how was ministry time, did we ever go wrong anywhere? etc... just to name a few... sometimes they pray ... cool staffs do this over lunch in a pub ... Then they plan the next weeks service... They make small adjustments here and there and then decide a general direction... like "People are loving the series on the "Love of God" from the book of John, Lets turn the worship down a bit and do songs about how much we love God...oh yeah, and don't forget the kids..., Lets trust God for our finances, shorten up the announcements, be friendly and lets keep hoping that Holy Spirit will show up and do something ... they leave this meeting normally feeling inspired and excited about Sunday and the possibilities it holds... But, here is how the week unfolds after that meeting... Wednesday morning crazy #1 calls and tells you a dream they had about 5 geese and a large pond that dried up and left the geese stuck in the mud ... The worship leader sees a goose on the way to work and thinks she should write a song about a goose ... a board member has goose for dinner. Thursday morning comes... the email you receive from the intercessors tells you that they prayed for Sunday morning as usual and crazy #1 told them about the 5 geese in the mud, while he was talking crazy #2 fell over and crazy #3 had a vision while crazy#4 painted a picture of a goose on the churches art-wall crazy #5, an educated crazy, explains how the goose is the symbol of the Holy Spirit in Celtic Christianity, crazy #2 falls over again and begins to shake and honk ... #5 then explains that the presence of God as portrayed by the water and is drying up because of the lack of true Spiritual leadership, (no proof) and that the number five means grace... There fore the intercessors "Strongly Believe" that because of the lack of true spiritual leadership in the body that the presence of God is drying up and we are in a time of grace to repent before God. The Holy Spirit is stuck in the mud and will remain stuck and cant move until we as a body repent. ... Now the Mud is obviously "sin in the camp"... Their humble and tear-filled advise is that we have a public time of repentance for the leadership and a drama with ashes followed by a dance or dirge and no worship... just a time to wail... the worship person writes a children's song about a goose... You go home with a migraine. Friday you pray and seek God for direction, you ask your circle of friends, your inner circle, and your inner inner circle... You try to read John but feel lost trying to figure out who is sinning and how do geese fit into a "seamless" service that is supposed to be aimed at people who want to know God more... Your worship leader calls to ask if it would be okay to teach the kids a new song before they go off to kids church... you say "Yes" because its just a kids song... but don't ask to hear it. (You remember what it used to be like when you just partied all the time)... Saturday arrives and you go to soccer with your kids, go grocery shopping, spend time with the family, call the elders, spend some time with "the lost", answer calls about the youth-group activity, and spend a bit of time preparing for Sunday. Sunday finally arrives and you go to pre-service prayer... can you imagine what is about to happen... are you feeling a bit tense... are you laughing yet... nervously? In short ... Sunday starts... The opening prayer by a board member is preceded by a story about a great goose dinner, followed by worship that is to loud and a kids song about "Gordie the Goose who loves to Honk for Jesus" honk, honk, honk ... every time "goose" is mentioned another crazy falls over and honks, intercessors wail and visitors pee their pants a little bit... the announcements are going great until someone raises their hand to make a personal announcement "my pet dog "Goose" died, he was like a Father to me, ... followed by ministry at the front led by a very pastoral elder who "felt it was right" Then its your turn to preach... you have 5 minutes left of your 35 minute slot... your migraine is back... you stand and try to make sense of the whole thing by saying something clever... or funny... or meaningful ... your brain flips like an old Rolodex looking for an address... you say... "Open your Bibles to the book of John"... the honking continues, people are still praying at the side of the stage, the intercessors quietly moaning in prayer, the visitors "or pee pants as we should call them now" check their watches and look to you for some kind of answer hoping you can make sense out of all this chaos ... You think to yourself "Why the F-you-see-k do I put myself through this every week, I should not say the "F" word before I preach, sorry Lord ... you blow through your message trying to remember and feel Gods love. You invite people to come forward if they would have questions or would like to experience Gods love ... the ministry team comes forward to help ... Suddenly #5 is on the mic... how did he do that? ...He leads ministry time and works in the dream interpretation (which takes 40 minutes) #1 stands humbly beside the stage... crazies number 6 through 27 begin honking, crying, wailing and it begins to build and grow ... board member repents of eating a goose ... the symbol of the spirit "I ate the Holy Spirit" he proclaims... wailing erupts ... blah blah blah ... You feel like your contribution means nothing that you could have just stayed home with your wife ... You see it does not matter what you try to do... this event is scripted with a pre-determined outcome no matter what ... The problem is no one knows who is writing it ... Yeah, who is writing this script The only thing you can do to bring any kind of structure is become the most controlling, driven, heartless a-hole to ever run a church... But, then guess who the mud is... guess who is stopping the Holy Spirit now... yep, you guessed it... it is YOU and your controlling spirit! You are making baby Jesus Cry... God is totally quitting because of your actions and behaviour ... and Holy Spirit can do nothing while you are around. OMG Now, do this 52 weeks a year for ten ... that's 10 years ... 10 YEARS ... TEN %$#@&* YEARS!!! Its worth it though... because at the end of it just look at all the fruit... look at all you have... you have...??? Nothing. No Camelot, No Holy Grail, No "MORE". No wonder after I left I started drinking heavily, smoking and taking anti-depression medication all at the same time... No wonder the knights of the round table died. King Arthur was a nut-job to send them out on the search for the holy grail in the first place.

Like our culture we "the church" are never satisfied with what we have, even though, what we have is the best we can get. We have already seen the best ... (Jesus) ... But, we think, Jesus plus something else is better...Oh, and I know the verse that says "and we shall do even greater things than these" I know it and I believe it... But, honestly does what I just described sound like "greater things" than the works of Jesus?... really? ... come on? ... really? But, we still think ... If we could just have Jesus plus the Holy Grail then we could have Camelot back... Which would be great if Camelot existed... What could possibly be better than Gods answer to mans question ? ... Mans hypothetical question of "how do I get to God" was answered, by God, in the sending of His son Jesus. Yet, we still try to make the answer more meaningful or more tangible, or More by adding things to it ... Unfortunately, if you believe in a higher power, the answer has already been answered by the Higher power. How do I get to God ? (man asks) Jesus. (God answers) ... and That is the answer. There is no other answer. There is no more to the answer ... Jesus will always be the right answer, and, the complete answer. Mans second hypothetical question is if Jesus' life pleased God then how can I live or be or look or act like Jesus? The answer to this question was answered by Jesus when he promised to send His Spirit or Holy Spirit to all who would believe... Holy Spirit was given to each believer to show us, teach us, remind us, empower us and inspire us. Two honest questions with two honest answers. All major world religions look for a connector between God and man... That connector is Jesus. The way we know we are connected is Holy Spirit.

Charasmania always makes the right answer not enough. Charasmania always makes you feel like you are lacking, lesser than, smaller, blah-de-blah, etc. etc. ... Charasmania demands more ... and it will always demand more. because, it does not accept the answers as enough. The answers to mans biggest questions are answered ... If the answers are not good enough, you are doomed to keep searching for "More" and there is no more. It's like looking for a better heaven or a worse hell ... You will never find better than heaven and you will never find worse than hell. I have never heard a single person say, no matter what they believe ... "I deserve better that Heaven... there must be more" nor have I heard anyone say "That person deserves more than Hell". If I had a dollar for every time I have heard a believer say there must be more than this I would be a BOZILLIONARE! ... I thought the Non-believers where supposed to say "there must be more" and then believers are to respond "Yes, there is more and I have it." ... For Christ sake ... (and I mean for Christ sake... as in for the sake of Jesus Christ and all he represents) is it just me or is something backwards here?

Once again I found it very difficult to navigate through Big City of Charasmania I found it impossible to get a reading on Camelot and, if you have not noticed, there is no Holy Grail ... and ultimately this is what caused my physical, emotional and spiritual burn-out. The never ending Chaos, The constant howling of the Crazies and the demand for More and More, and More from those living in Charasmania... Not to mention the impossible task of finding anyone who would claim to have experience, or wisdom or insight into these kinds of things... I could find no real help... only suggestions or opinions or thoughts or theories ... I found sympathy and empathy ... I heard a many stories just like mine ... but got no real Biblical Wisdom, Experienced Direction or Leadership ... What I needed was someone with a backbone who would speak Biblical truth like I got back in Conservativille. I needed to feel something solid under my feet, a firm foundation, an anchor that holds ... a shield and a rock ... a light... but, I did not feel any of these things... The longer I tried to bring structure and leadership the more I felt lost, alone, and searching in the dark... and there were other knights, strong, good hearted, valiant knights of the round table who joined me in this quest ... but, I bet, if they are honest, they felt lost, alone and in the dark as well ... and many of them, like me have been beaten and bruised by this adventure. There where also some very wise and experienced men and women who joined me and gave there insight and we will discuss them soon ... It is because of these people that I have not given up all hope, and have not thrown in the towel and quit... I AM STILL A BELIEVER... a wiser, more experienced, believer.

Before I post this blog I want to be sure and help those of you who hear victim language in what I am writing to find peace ... I am using victim language on purpose... Because, I am a victim. Some of you reading this are victims right now, and some of you have been victims in the past and have found health and wholeness... and I am very happy for you. I am a victim ... But, at the same time I chose this path. I chose to move to the city... I choose to do the things I did. I will not blame anyone for my choice to chase after something illusive. I am a manifestation of the choices I make in life... I am not living as a victim, I am not living in the past, I am telling stories about my past to gain wisdom... wisdom gained from experience ... So I can help those who choose to run after something illusive to live a better life while in the chase and to catch what they a really chasing ... without burnout ... or breakdown. I am present-future minded and my future is very bright ... I am pressing on toward the goal ... I am still in the race.

My next Blog will be my opinion on "How" ... "How to transition and keep your Friends" ... "How to be Baptized in the Spirit without drowning your friends"... and so on ... Cya