Bill Hines

"Bill Hines"

Kustom Car Legend and Icon

In my last post I decided to dedicate this blog to the memories/history and the future/dreams of the Kustom car and the people who build them.  I have enjoyed meeting and chatting with a few of the legends and absolutely love the creativity and vibe of the local clubs and organizations I have had the pleasure of hanging around.  We all have our opinions and favorites when it comes to legends, clubs and cars but, the legend I hear the most agreement and honor given to is a legend kustom car builder named Bill Hines. 

Bill Hines is one of those kind of people that surprises you.  As you can see, he is not tall, or handsome ... he does not travel with an entourage of celebrities or hot babes ... and he is not loud and gregarious.  He is quite the opposite, ... when I met Bill Hines a few years ago in Paso Robles CA he was sitting at a small folding table in a folding lawn chair signing autographs and taking pictures with those who recognised him.  He was like a little Yoda ... kind, humble and inclusive a true blue collar kind guy.  You would have never thought that the man you were standing next to had helped shape an entire culture in the 40's, 50's and 60's and is an icon of car history today.  I really like that.  Bill, just turned 86 years old and still works on cars almost everyday

Heres a little more history on Bill Hines:

Bill was born in Erie, Pennsylvania, March 23, 1922, and grew up in Jackson, Tennesse. At the age of ten, he moved to the Motor City of Detroit, Michigan.

At the age of nineteen in early 1941, Bill owned a gas station doing custom body and paint work in the Motor City of Detroit and in the early 50's, Bill opened his own shop in Detroit. Seventeen years later, he moved to the West Coast and found work as a body man for George Barris, King of Kustoms.

Shortly thereafter, Bill opened his own shop in Lynwood, Callifornia. He built and designed his own '51 Ford with custom fins. It was the first car to have his fabulous custom fins. He helped to popularize side pipes and sunken antennas and Candy Apple paint.

Bill now lives in Garden Grove. Has lived in Orange County since 1963, and still working seven days a week, but considers himself semi-retired, reducing his workdays from 12 to 14 hours to a mere 8 or 9 hours, vowing to continue building custom cars until 88 years young.

His son, Michael Hines, a Sales Manager at Nicholas Chevrolet is credited with keeping his father young by making sparks fly. Some of Bill's creations can be seen driving across the country every summer to different car shows and functions, or your favorite custom car books or Cable TV Speed Vision.

When most men his age have retired, Bill Hines is still at it. Having built custom cars sine 1941, his career now is a hobby. He has been recognized and admired for setting the standards of excellence and creativity in the custom cars.

Building his custom cars have inspired vision, imagination and mastery of his craftsmanship. There is so much to be said of his career history and success.

Over sixty years of building cars for customers and friends, Bill likes to encourage the younger generation to get involved and enjoy this great hobby.

The third generation are getting ready to keep the torch lit and masterfully handle the spray guns as Bill's grandsons work with him. Matthew, Mitchell, and Michael hang out at Bill's shop in Long Beach, working on their own projects on weekends and holidays. With Grandpa's sound advice and teaching, 

Future projects in Bill's mind include a 1951 chopped Mercury--like the cool 50's--with a set of airbags to make it low to the ground. Not a bad family affair--making sparks fly! 

See what I mean...

If you want to read more about Jesse Padgett and his adventures in life then go to www.jessepadgett.blogspot.com ... see ya next time.

The Official "Jesse Padgett" blog

Dick Dean

The REAL "Mr. Merc"

So when I created this blog space it was to keep people informed about the business I was starting called Mr. Mercs Custom Car Studio.  Mr. Mercs was formed on July 7th, 2007 and was given to a very talented young builder named Ted Talmey on July the 7th, 2008.  I have moved out of the shop and am working on cars "just for fun" at home ... basically tying up some loose ends for friends/clients and finishing my own stuff.  

Shortly after I named my business I discovered that "Mr. Merc" was the nick name of a very famous car builder named Dick Dean.  Dick Dean became famous for the way he would customize Mercury cars in the 40's and 50's.  So, I am going to dedicate this blog space to the history and future of Kustom cars and the projects that I build. 

Obviously, I write about more than cars so I am starting the official Jesse Padgett blog located at www.jessepadgett.blogspot.com where I will continue you talk about the other things that fascinate me about life.  If you come to my blog often then you might want to add www.jessepadgett.blogspot.com to your blog list.

Either way I will see you here or there.

So heres a little history on Dick Dean:  

Born Richard Sawitskas, Dean was at the forefront of the custom movement when it was born in the late '40s and early '50s, often working alongside other pioneers of the hobby including Dean Jeffries, George Barris, and Bill Hines.

In fact it was Bill Hines who was employed by Dean's father in the early '50s at the family's Nash dealership in Michigan who taught Dick how to weld and do lead work. After a stint as a pilot in the Korean War, he went to the famed Art Center in SoCal and, in the mid '50s, opened his first custom shop called South End Customs.

At the Detroit Autorama in 1959 Dean met George Barris, who offered Dean a job doing bodywork, and Dick ended up working for Barris for three years. Dean also worked with Dean Jeffries in the '60s on the Monkeemobile, the Green Hornet car, and many other iconic TV and movie vehicles.

Over the years Dean had stated he "must have chopped more than 1,000 cars," (300 or more being of the '49-51 Merc bodies), and his status of the Sultan of Chop will probably never be equaled. An easy-going, fun-loving sort of individual, Dick always had a smile for you.

How #3 ... "Reach for the middle" part 2

In the last post we looked at "Reaching for the Middle" and used the two beliefs that Jesus is 100% human and Jesus is 100% God as our test question.  However this is an easy question because it is broad enough and believed to be true by many different faith cultures, ... But, what happens when we try this"Reaching for the Middle" thought on other truths?  Truths like evangelism vs. community or structure vs. organic or "Conservativille" vs. "Charasmatropolis".  This is when we begin to really want to stay in one truth and just smile or deny the other truth all together ... but, we can no longer do that.  The next break through for believers is when we choose to believe in ALL the truth, not just the truth we are comfortable with, or the truth our faith culture promotes.  

Is it possible that we have the ability today to believe more of what the Bible says?  Is it possible that the experiences our children have had on ministry trips, in missions and attending other youth groups has prepared us to believe in more Biblical truth.  Is it possible that the transitional growth we have experienced has brought Biblical truth into our churches that we had not thought of, or been comfortable with before.  Is it possible that we have grown, matured, evolved, or mellowed enough to accept that we can learn something new, new Biblical truth we did not know before, from someone outside our faith culture?  If that is possible, and I believe that it is, then it is possible for us to live an active life as a believer moving between truths and experiencing each truth fully, with out fear, seeing the fruit and fullness the Bible promises.  If it is possible, and I know this is possible, that there is Biblical truth out there to be found, truth that we have not experienced or applied to our lives ... then aren't you interested to know what it is?  Doesn't the possibility make you just a little bit curious ... or maybe a lot curious?  The Bible says that "truth sets us free "  if there is Biblical truth out there that we have not applied to our lives is it possible that there is more freedom for you, more liberty, deeper, meaningful life... abundant life ... Of course it's possible !!! It has to be possible ... We do not posses and have not experienced all, and I mean ALL of the Biblical truth available to us ... and the super exciting, non-scary, inviting part is ... The truth that you do not know and have not experienced is connected to, just across from, the truth you do know and have experienced ... (I'm a little motivated right now... and impressed with myself ... I am having a bit of a pause because that last part was great ... while I am pausing read that last part again.)  

Think about it for a moment, ...  The Biblical truth that you know and have experienced is connected to the Biblical truth you have not experienced and do not know ... You can safely and without fear, walk out of the truth you know and into the truth you do not know ... Because,  "It is all Biblical Truth" ... you just have not walked into the other truth yet, you have not experienced it.  The truth that you know and trust will stay right where it is ... solid, true, like an anchor ... Your heart and brain and "Holy Spirit" will lead you from the truth you know and into the truth you do not know ... you will experience freedom and a renewed mind, (because that's what Biblical truth gives us) and when its time your heart and brain (and Good Ol' Holy Spirit) will take you back to the truth you already know and have experienced ... Before long you will love the "Middle" because on each side of the "Middle" there is Truth and where there is Truth there is Freedom, Freedom to explore the things of God without fear ... Freedom to experience God in ways you have not experienced God ... Freedom to believe more, believe bigger, believe fuller ...  Freedom to go from "Deep to Deep"... Glory to Glory.  How #3 "Reach for the Middle" is staring to sound better than what we thought was the best ... wouldn't you agree.

Lets start by looking at Evangelism vs. Community or maybe a better way to say this is outreach vs. in-reach, or conversion growth vs. personal growth or any other phrase that helps you identify with the topic.  Basically, most churches or believers feel guilty about the way they do not "share" their faith or evangelize while at the same time desiring or feeling like they do not receive enough care or community.  We then try to decide which of these two needs are the most important?  We then make a choice as a group of believers and sit down on that truth and decide to live "that truth" to the fullest... we are going to do an excellent job at this one truth and for the most part we do.  Unfortunately, by default, we have decided to not live out "fully" the other truth ... we create conflict between our hearts and our brains ... our brains made a decision ... our hearts believe that both our true ... our brains say this is all we can do ... our hearts say I want to experience both truths ... our brains say this is great ... our hearts say living both truths fully is better ... this conflict will go on and on until you wear yourself out and become so frustrated you will decide to do neither well or at all ... your brain will buzz for awhile and go quiet, your heart will race at the thought of no conflict and then grow still ... you will mistakenly think you have found peace when all you have really found is silence ... However, if you embrace Evangelism as Biblical Truth and Community as a Biblical truth you can begin to experience both fully.  The truth is "ALL" believers need to be involved in speaking and doing the "Good News" of Jesus for the benefit of those who do not know Jesus,  so , others can believe ... It is equally true that "ALL" believers need to belong to a Biblical, Spiritual, Community where they can be nurtured ... So, ... HOW?  ... How do we do this? ...  How can I look out and In at the same time? ... Well, I am glad you asked.  The truth is You Can Not Look Out and Look In at the same time.  When you try to look in and out at the same time you end up staring at the wall ... However, you can look in for awhile and then look out for awhile ...

Let's pretend that Evangelism and Community are two little kids who are playing happily on a see-saw or teeter toter... (Remember, these two kids Dad is Biblical Truth so they play well together always... they are not in conflict with each other ... they play very well together ... laughing and smiling and yelling and giggling...)  Now you or I come along ... our hearts love both of these little kids and we want to play as well ... so we climb onto the see-saw.  As we all know there is no third seat on a see-saw... so we get the best seat of all ... the whole see-saw between the two little kids.  We get to run back and forth, turning an ordinary see-saw into the greatest see-saw adventure on the playground.  We would never stay on one end to long leaving the other kid high and dry, unless you are a playground poop-pooh head  (or a P3H) ... that's fun maybe once or twice ... but, after that not so much ... we also would not stand in the middle and bring balance stranding both kids  (P3H) and ending the ride all together ... this is how you get to ride a see saw ALL by yourself ... We all know you ride a see-saw to go up AND down ...  Your job in the middle is to move back and forth and add to the ride, by being a part of the ride ... put all of your weight on one end and then the other... you move completely to Evangelism's side and then all the way back to Community side ... and you do this often ... if you grow tired ... you sit in the middle, and let the two kids can keep the ride going for you, while you enjoy the ride.   You see these kids love to play, they love the ride.  They are not afraid of you running in between them and creating all kinds of unexpected movement and extra weight ... they love the game ... these kids are so secure, so unmovable, so steady that your movements do not disturb them at all.  As a matter of fact your movements can not effect them.  When you decide to walk between two Biblical Truths your movement does not effect the Biblical Truth.  Two Biblical Truths will release the exact same force or energy, or weight causing a safe place, a place or state of rest, to play or experiment. When you decide to walk from one Biblical Truth to another, the Biblical truth you are walking out of  releases a strength, energy, and force that is exactly the same strength, energy and force being released by the new Biblical truth you are walking into.  The Power, created when two Biblical Truths meet creates a very stable environment for believers to play on, learn in, experiment with, or experience.   This is called equilibrium ... Equilibrium is all about the internal ability of an object to remain steady, stable or at rest.   

Equilibrium is how your body reacts to constant motion without falling over ... I don't know if you know this or not but we are all OUT of balance.  However, we enjoy a state of equilibrium because our bodies read a bozillion messages from our ears and toes and eyes and other things and, through constant movement, remain upright or equipoised.  In fact you do not want to find balance in your physical body ... it is when your body achieves balance that you die from cardiac arrest or your hearts inability to contract ... your heart has to remain out of balance and in equilibrium to pump your blood ... Equal forces pushing against each other to keep things moving and alive.  So, stop praying for a "balanced" Christian life ... from the looks of things we have had a balanced ... (dead ... because our heart is unable to beat ... because our brain and heart are in conflict ...) Christian life for a very long time.  You see, Balance, is all about adding to or taking away from something (weights or force) in order to make things equal or using "something external" to create equilibrium ... Do you honestly believe that you can add to or take away from Biblical truth to make it more stable?  I certainly hope not.  Like the constant movement needed to keep you upright and alive you need constant movement between Biblical truths to remain spiritually alive.  When you decide on one Biblical truth over another you have chosen to shut down (sit on one end of the see-saw ... or stand in the middle) the circulation needed to live the abundant life of a believer.  When your circulation is slowed down oxygen is unable to reach your vital organs and you become tired, listless and inactive ... before long you will be unable to move at all.

How #3 "Reach for the Middle" is a reminder to keep active, moving, out of balance and alive.  If we are not experiencing the abundant life the Bible promises perhaps we have only let ourselves experience part of the Bibles truth ... Perhaps it is time to try out some new, to us,  Biblical Truth ... You have nothing to lose in trying and Freedom, a fresh Revelation of Jesus and Abundant Life to gain when you discover it ... some believers call this Revival, others call it Renewal, but I call it Resurrection Life ... The power inside every Believer to Get up, Get free, Get going, and Git-R-Done ... (Sorry, I just had to do it... I would like to thank Larry the Cable Guy for the "git-r-done" line)

 

How #3 ... "Reach for the middle" part 1

Now I know that many of you are turned off by the title of "How #3" ... so, before I continue let me explain a thang or two.  I never reach for the middle... I always reach for the top ... I always want to move from "Good to Great" ... "excellence is a good start but, we can do better" ... I love attempting to do the un-do-able or the not yet done ... and, I love the reaction it creates when you do it.  If you know me, then you know that I have a long list of successes that prove this ... If you do not know me I would be happy to tell you about my success... I like to brag, it makes me feel good.  I believe good bragging makes God happy he made me.  Bragging, like Pride, is a way to check and see if you love yourself enough to love others ... I can safely say I love myself and I am great at doing above average things, if not great things, if not unbelievable, fantastic, how the heck did you do that things that prove God exists.... So, reaching for the middle is a bit of a stretch for me... in the wrong direction.

"Reaching for the Middle" sounds like somebody who is trying to figure out a way to keep everyone as comfortable and unmoved as they can.  It sounds to me like an attempt to live in the grey ... no black, no white, ... just grey ... no right, no wrong, just "Oh well, maybe, lets see.  (Sorry, but my gag reflex is kicking in)   However, I am not talking about this kind of "middle".

The most uncomfortable place to live or try to live is between two true things.  For instance, "Jesus is fully man" and "Jesus is fully God" are two very true statements that most believers agree with.  It is easy to look at one of these truths at a time and agree with one of them at a time but, it becomes more difficult and uncomfortable the more you try to look at them or believe them at the same time ... this is "The Middle" that I am referring to.  Some of you call this a "paradox" and it sounds so groovy and modern and intelligent to say "we are living in paradox"... but, to this redneck it just sounds like a fancy way of saying "Please don't make me think about that stuff and what ever you do don't make me try to explain it to anyone" ... which in redneck language translates into "I'm a baby... I'm a whiny, little, fat, cozy, baby who just wants to be cuddled and carried and lay here in my own little poopy diaper ... why is my diaper poopy? ... cause you made me think and that makes me uncomfortable so I pooped a little ... wheres my bottle"? ...  Baby!  

The "middle" is the most difficult place to live because it requires the most action... the most activity.  If you believe that Jesus is all human, and you believe that Jesus is all God then you are forced to keep moving from one of these truths into the other... you must stay active... In your daily life you can identify with the 100% human Jesus and can rely and trust in the 100% God Jesus ... this requires activity in your brain ... brain movement ...  This requires activity from your heart ... heart movement ... you can't just say in your brain or heart ... Jesus is "Just" 100% human this week so I am only going to live with the 100% human Jesus ... when you try to do this your heart and your brain enter into conflict with each other  because, you think with your brain and you believe with your heart.  Your heart beliefs tell your brain to keep moving between these two truths in order to live with and enjoy both truths fully. ... So, when you try to stay on one truth your heart beliefs will tell your brain to get things moving ... when you ignore what your heart is telling your brain, your brain and heart will argue, this is conflict ...to resolve the conflict your brain hears the heart and starts moving ... therefore, you spend as much time in the middle, or between these two truths as you do in the truth ... This is what I mean by "Reach for the Middle".  How #3 "Reach for the Middle" is the way that we will live the most full, abundant life as believers.  The space where we can believe and love ALL of God "heart, soul, mind and strength", while enjoying and living in the most truth.

If we could be honest, really honest, I would guess that most of us do not want to expend this kind of energy in our everyday life when it comes to our beliefs.  It would be much easier to just believe in one truth fully and pretend the other is not as important or just look at it every once in awhile and say "Yes, that's true'.  However it is not as difficult as it sounds.  The most energy is required at the beginning ... in the choice to reach for the "Middle".  When the choice to live with both truths is made the movement between the two truths starts automatically ... your brain and heart begin to move you in the direction that you need to fully embrace.  If you need to be saved from something, or saved again, or saved a little more ... your heart and brain will move you toward the 100% God Jesus.  If you are being tempted your brain and heart will move you out of the 100% God Jesus and into the 100% human Jesus so you can respond to temptation like Jesus the 100% human did, while knowing he fully understands as a human. ... One time in the 100% God Jesus truth, One time in the 100% human Jesus truth and two times in the middle equals a fuller experience of both truths.  The beliefs of the heart and the revelation of the mind will always move you toward the truth that you need or seek and lets not forget that Holy Spirit is with us always, ... moving us, leading us, reminding us, while we are in the truth or in the middle.  How #3 "Reach for the Middle" ... always be willing to move from truth to truth.

In "How #3 part two" we are going to look at how "Reaching for the Middle" can help us live with other truths that we sometimes struggle with.  I would also love to hear if this post makes sense to you.  I think this is really important to get ahold of, so if its not really clear, help me make it clear.  Thanks. 

How #2 ... "We are all a bunch of TOOLS!"

1964 Ford Galaxy 500

I love building Kustom Cars ... (as you may have guessed) ... its more than a hobby and its to much fun to be a job.  I know this will sound all artsy fartsy ... but, when I see an old car I hear this little voice in my head... ( I know it could be one of my other personalities) ... the little voice starts saying things like... "Please, make me beautiful again",  Hi, I'm old and still have a lot to offer,  "If, you would look beyond the dirt and rust you will see what I could be... I can still turn heads" ...  and a few other things ... but, that's good for now.  It seems that building kustom cars has been a part of my life forever but, I started building for myself when I was 15 years old. 

I took a summer job running the wood chipper at "The Lutesville Pallet Shop" in Lutesville, Missouri two months after I turned 15 and purchased a 1964 Galaxy 500 two door post for 400.00 bucks... It was dirty and covered in bird poop but, I loved it and it was mine.  It took some elbow grease and a lot of cleaning but before long it sparkled like new and ran like a sewing machine... turquoise with a white top ... it was during the next year that I learned the importance of having tools.

"Tools"... "I Love Tools" ... Tools make me happy ... now, I know for those of you who are un-schooled in tools ... you are wondering, why I would say "I Love Tools" or say "Tools make me Happy"... Well, ... let me enlighten you... Quite simply put ... with the right tools you can accomplish anything ... when you purchase, or invest, in better tools... your work gets better ... and the "Right" tools for the Right job makes the entire job easier.... and that is the Gods honest truth.  I believe that the greatest gift given to man ... (after woman) ... was good tools ... that's why I polish them, and clean them, and keep them in a special box... ( sorry, I got all excited)  But wait, before you think I am only referring to wrenches and hammers, or screw-drivers and metal dollies I am not ... When speaking of tools I am also, because of my entertainment, artist and musical background, thinking of thinks like sculpting tools, brushes, puppets, guitars and banjos... these are simply tools in the hands of craftsmen... or craftswomen, or crafts persons ...

I know you are thinking "Jesse, Jesse, Jesse ... enough about your little love affair with tools ... And I would agree that yes, I do have an unusual affection for things that help me ..."Git-R-Done"...  And yes I am about to turn this tool metaphor into "How #2"... So, lets just get down to it ... The thought that I have been having is that ... wait for it ... I have never thought of how the car feels about the tool.  Bare with me here ... imagine ... you are the car, the object of "the fix" ... you are dirty, rusty, broken, and in need of repair... "The fixer" with the right tool in hand (grinder, cutting torch, buffer, sand paper, hammer etc...) comes at you with a big smile on his face ... having heard the small voice in his head ... "make me beautiful again ... or If you would look closer you would see, or ... what ever you said ... and then the sparks start flying ... Imagine the thoughts you would have as the paint begins to smoke, the smell as the precious coating that used to shine and sparkle begins to bubble and peel and fly into the air before it lays lifeless on the floor of the garage mixed in with all the other dirt... that will be swept up and thrown out ... "The Fixer" looks so happy... because he has a vision ... you just feel stripped to the bare metal ... all your rust exposed ... your dents gleaming ... You would probably question "The Fixer" but you would hate "The Tool" ...  You see tools are designed to loosen things that are tight and stuck, cut things that so corroded they can not be fixed or removed ... Tools are designed to blast things into pieces so they can be renewed, or made better than new ... Some of these tools are intimidating, they have large wooden handles and are heavy ... some tools are even dangerous ... If used improperly  they can cause more damage than good ... "The Fixer" knows the tools and knows how and when to use which tools for the greatest effect to insure his vision is achieved.  

The metaphor of tools is not new to teachers as a way to convey the thought or suggestion that some of us need to be repaired or fixed.  "The Fixer" or person who will use the tools to do the work of fixing is not a new metaphor  either.  However, "How #2" is all about the tools.  It has been my experience that the tools used by "The Fixer" is almost always people.  "How #2 ... People are TOOLS"! ... And, if that's not bad enough ... the tools that blast you apart for repair are the same tools that put you back together.  "People are TOOLS". 

Therefore, If people are the tools, then who is "The Fixer"... ??? ... Well, "The Fixer" better be smarter than the tool ... that's for sure ...  "The Fixer" better be experienced and should understand which tools are best for which job ...  And, the "TOOLS" better understand that they are "Tools"  and not "The Fixer". 

When I talk about "Coservativille" or "Charasmatropolis" I am not thinking of a geographical location, or a group of people ... I am not thinking of a specific person or thing that has caused a chain of events that has brought me to this place.  I am thinking about How "The Fixer" is using "Tools" to shape, restore, renew or redesign me.  When I think of people as "Tools" it gives me the ability to see how they were used by "The Fixer" for the good that he intends to see in my life ...  Because, I am the one in need of "The Fix" ... A Tool can not fix itself ... Other Tools are needed and used by "The Fixer" to provide "The Fix"  for the Tool in need.   Only "The Fixer' knows what needs to be fixed.  Only "The Fixer" is qualified to use "The Tools"  on the" Tool" in need of "The Fix"...  I was, am, and always will be in need of "The Fix"   The "Tools" in Conservativille and in Charasmatropolis were just being tools and they were being used by "The Fixer" to provide "the Fix" for me, a fellow "Tool".   "The Tools", who were used by "The Fixer",  may have been aware or may have been unaware of the way "The Fixer" was using them ... What the Tool thinks or is aware of is not that important to "The Fixer".  The Tool may have had thoughts of grandeur, importance or calling ... the Tool may have had thoughts of harm, jealousy or malice ... But, "The Fixer" is not concerned with the thoughts, motives, or intentions of the Tool ... "The Fixer" was only concerned about his vision and what he was creating me to be ... the Tools he choose to work with were the "Perfect Tools" for the job.  "The Fixer" also chose many tools to work with ... "The Fixer" will never use only one tool ... even though it may be a special tool that can do specialized things ...  "The Fixer" will never need only one tool.  "The Fixer" has a very large tool box and it is full of many diverse tools and they all want to be used and "The Fixer" will use them all.  

When I think of people as the objects "The Fixer" would use to fix me,  I get drawn into "good behaviour vs. bad behaviour" a trap that forces me to choose who did right to me and who did wrong to me ... and this causes me to get stuck in the past ... always trying to fix or forgive or undo or re-do or do something, anything just to help or get help ... I want to find a reason, a cause, a failing or a fault that can be resolved ... My feelings get involved... I use words like hurt, betrayal, lies, sin, blah-de-blah etc. etc. I wonder things like WHY? or WHO ... I begin to try to be more than a tool, I try to find the good tools and the bad tools ... I get worried that "The Fixer" will never use me again... I try to be the best tool in the tool box... I try to shine myself,  I try to fix other tools and, if I am not careful, I will begin to let myself be attracted  by anything that looks like work ... I will call anything that makes me feel used or needed "The Fixer"... I will get caught up in activity that has nothing to do with "The Fixer" so I, "the most shiny tool", will not be bored or feel alone ... If I stay on this track I will soon start to think that "The Fixer" really, Really, REALLY NEEDS ME ... I Think I am the greatest Tool... (This is when all the other tools think you are just a "Big Tool") ... This is when you are in need of "The Fix"... When we forget that we are all just tools, like all the other tools in the box, ... this, ... is when we need "The Fix" the most.  

When I embrace the thought that I, and all of you, are a bunch of "TOOLS"...  I am free to become "A Tool" that could possibly be used one day or maybe today.  I get to ... get out of the box, I get to be what I was made to be, I can be happy to be used by "The Fixer" ... and ... "I can be a very Happy TOOL" ... I love to be used by "The Fixer" I get all excited when the drawer slides open and I see "The Fixer" looking into my drawer ... or in my direction ... I always hope "The Fixer" will choose me ... every time ... and, to be honest, I am happiest when "The Fixer" chooses me ... but, I am also happy when "The Fixer" chooses someone else in my drawer ... at least I know he is still working and still needs us.  I love the stories that other Tools have to tell of how "The Fixer" used them and how they were the perfect tool for the job.  Telling stories is  my favorite thing to do when we are all in the tool box waiting to be used.   You see "the Fixer" loves, and wants to use his Tools... They cost him a lot, He has  invested heavily in them, He knows they work, He knows they are the right tools for the right job, He takes great care of them, When he needs them he knows right where they are, He keeps them clean, He puts His trust in them, He depends on them ...    

How #2 ... We ARE NOT "The Fixer" ... We are ALL "TOOLS"

Question before How#2...???

Before we start with "How #2" I would like to tell you a little story.  I started posting this blog with the hope of hearing from people who I knew were reading along ... and have, for the most part, heard from different readers at different times depending on what I was writing about and how they identified with the topic ... normally the feed-back is about how much they can identify with what is being said.  However, on my last post, "How #1" I received the most feedback ... I wonder if it is because in my previous posts people felt nervous about the topic or about the way I was speaking openly about the topic, and did not want to "take sides" or offend or fuel any wild fires etc.   The theme of "How #1" was Focus on, and Only on, what you love ... and it is always safe to aline ourselves with the "Love" topic... after all we are christians (whatever that means) ... What do you think? ... What did you feel?  Where you relieved that I did'nt start naming names and telling horrible church abuse stories... I guess what I am really asking is: Does love and loving each other really mean that much to us ... or is it just a big pretty rug that we can sweep all our questions, fears, negativity, etc. etc. under and ignore... and then get back to acting normal...(what ever normal is) ...  It is IN the question or questions of life where we become lost enough to seek and ask for God's  help ... God is found in our questions.

How ... #1

I realize even before I write the first "How" that this is totally my opinion and the "How To" will be biased and based in all my very own personal and emotional associations ... however, I desire to help those who are chasing after the illusive.  My desire is to offer my experiences and share my story so I can be to someone else what I really wanted ... 

How #1 is simple... When you feel or see something about to change "focus on, and only on, what you love".  You see there are many things I really love about "Conservativille", and there are many things I really love about "Charasmatropolis".  

For instance here is a list... the WHAT I LOVE about "Conservativille" list... I love the security, I love the safety, I love the roots, I love the way they took interest in your development, I love the way they trained you,  I love the way they search the Bible for real answers, I love the foundation, I love the way you feel so right, I love the way they see "not-yet-believers", I love the way they enlighten the mind, I love the way they study every week to make sure what they preach is really right, I love they way they quietly handle money, I love the way they want you to be successful so you can have a bigger voice,  I love the way they see preaching and teaching as a real live gift from God.  I love the way they research ways to prove what they believe, I love the way they are concerned about context and content, I love the emphasis they put on loving God with your heart, soul, MIND and strength, I love the way peoples lives are changed and they become better people because their minds have been renewed by the Word of God ... I love the way they let God's Word be the final word... "It says it, I believe it, that settles it"  I love the way they get people actively involved in practical ministries that make a difference,  I love the way they see Sunday morning as a place to engage with people seeking to meet, or get to know God ... and they are aware that their actions effect others, I love the respect shown when someone is praying, or reading, or teaching, or singing... I love the way that some displays of intimacy for God are for personal private space and not publicly displayed ... I love the way the leaders really watch what is going on like a Shepperd... I love the way they are not afraid of structure and believe that God is bigger than structure and can work around it or in it... I Love, Love, Love the way they adore Jesus... the Jesus focus...  I love their stories of how powerful preaching changed everything... These are a few things I love about "Conservativille" and I had to make myself stop... there are many more things I could write.  

Now here is the What I LOVE about "Charasmatropolis" list ...  I love the way they put the emphasis on "Love the Lord your God with your HEART, SOUL, mind and STRENGTH"... I love the way they Worship... the way they sing to God... I love the way they show their love by raising their hands, clapping, speaking out in support, dancing, etc.  I love their energy, I love the way they rejoice, I love the way  they laugh, I love the way they believe that God can do ANYTHING he wants when ever He wants, I love the way they see the "EVERYTHING" in the Great Commission... I love the way they see God as a Father who is to be loved and enjoyed,  I love they way they what to really know God not just "know about" him.  I love the way they want to see the Power of God today... I love the way they believe that ALL the gifts of the Spirit are still available to be used today to help spread the gospel.  I love their anticipation and hope they feel when they pray... The way they believe that it will happen because God can make it happen.  I love the way they believe in miracles and signs and wonders that help "not-yet-believers" believe.  I love their stories of how the power of God through believers changed everything... I love the way they focus on the person of "Holy Spirit" and how we can partner with him today... the Holy Spirit focus.  I love the way they see Holy Spirit as the manifest presence of God on the earth TODAY... the third person of the Trinity is still working on earth today and we can partner with Him.  I love the way they enjoy God when he does something on the earth ... the way they believe first and doubt later.  I love the freedom they seek... I love the possibilities they believe in.  I love the GOOD in their good news.  Oh, and the stories, ... I love their stories ... the stories of the adventures of Godly men and women, filled with the Spirit, On Fire, Uneducated, Ordinary men and women that others see and say "those people have been with Jesus"... TODAY... I love the way they put a lot of emphasis on TODAY.  It is the same yesterday, TODAY, and forever...  choose TODAY who you will serve... Holy Spirit is active TODAY... These are a few things I LOVE about "Charasmatropolis" ... and again I had to stop.  I could go on and on.  

As far as I am concerned I can love these things without being in any conflict what so ever.  I am able to see God in both of these places and enjoy Him.  I am not deceived or mislead by either side.  As long as I focus on what I love I am fine... It is when I begin to live by comparison, or begin to only focus on what I do not love that I find myself in a position of wanting to leave one place for another.  It is when I feel I must defend where I am living ... then I must find the justification to reject and attack what I love.  The truth is I do not want to attack, reject or defend ... I want to be able to embrace what I love... I want to be able to love what I love with my whole heart... without reservation.

Now, before you start thinking I am starting to back off of the things I said in the last few blogs... be assured I am not.  I believe Chaos, Crazies, and Charasmania are the things that derail the Faith, Facts and Feelings train ... However, I am not willing to throw away the experience, or the wisdom gained through out my life as a preacher in order to return to an old home, remodel an existing home or build a new home ... I want to reinvent the way I relate to these places so I can BE who I really am, where ever I am, and fully Love where I am.  I, like many of you, have things, wisdom, insight, ideas, resources, gifts, etc. that are needed and we need to use... I can choose to live like the "desert fathers" in a hole in the wilderness, alone and gifted... but I don't want to ...  That sucks... If my only choice is to live alone with my own personal beliefs, in a hole, in the wilderness, and wait to see if anybody seeks me out ... that just plain ol' sucks... I don't want to do that ... nor do I want to have to go around kissing every bodies butt, turning my nose from tan to brown, acting like I'm sorry for what I have done in order to gain a spot to be heard ... I am not sorry for what I have done.  I have regret that I have acted certain ways, said certain things, behaved poorly, offended  ... but, If I had not chased the illusive I would not have made any of the discoveries, nor had the adventures. nor be able to tell the stories that I can today... I could not be more truthful or have deeper insight ... I would not have the wisdom that only experience can give you ... and for this I will never be sorry... As a matter of fact I am grateful ... I can only rejoice and be very happy that I have had a "Great Adventure with God" and am alive to tell it.  I LOVE my life, I LOVE doing things with and for God, I LOVE Jesus... He is my Hero, Saviour,etc.etc.  I LOVE Holy Spirit... his power, his inspiration, his insight, his instruction ... and, ...  I love it that, because of my life, my failures and successes, I  know things that you do not, ...and, ... If I know, have wisdom, or have experienced truth, that you have not, then I just might ... could it be possible ? ... that I have truth that you do not believe yet ... I am convinced that you know things that I do not and that you have experienced truth that I have not ... Imagine what could happen if we focus on, and only on, what we love about that.

If someone would have given me permission to fully love "Conservativille" while exploring the big city of "Charasmatropolis" I may have been able to keep a lot of the things I really love most in Conservativille ... the people ... the humans ... If I had continued to show my love to these people while I was exploring and changing I may have been able to keep many of them ... and at the end of it all, ... what I really miss are the people, ... the humans ... What really makes me sad about moving from "Conservativille to Charasmatropolis" was leaving the people I loved ... I miss the humans.  If someone had told me when I moved from "Charasmatropolis"  that the thing I would miss the most would be humans ... ( I would have sworn at them, flipped them the bird and told them to kiss me somewhere lower than my back and higher than my legs, oh come on!  I was burned out, tired, angry and broke, you just can't say that kinda stuff,) ... yes, it's still a bit fresh ... however, I would have to say they were right.  Now that I am in a different place, yet to be defined and governed by simple principles, I can say there are many humans I dearly love and really miss in the Big City.

(I just had a thought... I wonder if Jesus misses hanging out with the humans... I wonder if he was sad he had to go back to heaven because he would miss Peter the human and John the human ... I wonder if Jesus gets excited and happy when He thinks of getting to come back and live with His fellow humans ... We know how much God loves humans ... Jesus loved Humans too, to do what he did, and of course He is one ... I would guess Holy Spirit loves humans seeing how He lives in humans ... just a thought)  

I wonder what would have happened if I would have just kept letting people know how much I love them as I went from town to city ... I'm sure it would have been different... I wonder what would have happened if I would have just let people know how sad I was to have to move instead of acting so excited or called or strong... What if I had just sat down and cried with them and said how sad I was to have to move and told them how much I would miss them... what If I had said "Don't worry, I will be back!  I will tell you all the stories, and, we will laugh at my failures, rejoice at my success's, and cry because we are so happy to see each other ... and it will be like you were with me the whole time ... 

How #1 "Focus on, and Only on, What you Love.

Chaos, Crazies, and Charasmania ... part 4

We have talked about Chaos, and we have talked about Crazies, but, we have not talked about Charasmania ... What in the world is Charasmania ? ... Charasmania is to Christianity what "Wrestle-mania is to Sports. Charasmania is the ability to script the meeting so you get the outcome you desire in order to keep the Holy Spirit on the move and people coming back. Charasmania is knowing the outcome of something before you know the content... deciding what will happen in the end regardless of what truly is happening but, making it look real. It is Christian Entertainment for prosperity and profit. In short we are always looking for the Hulk, or the Andre the Giant, or the Rock, or the Steve Austin or the Triple H or the John Cena to win, or lose, when they "show up" we look good and make more money ...SO, doing whatever it takes, to get the desired outcome, to make those watching happy, so they support what we want to do... and doing it in a way that looks real. Or, if that is to close to home or true to think about, then ... if Chaos is culture and Crazies are people then Charasmania is the Camelot they thrive and multiply in. Camelot is a fictional euphoric city of peace and brotherhood and when it stumbled into chaos, they had to search for the Holy Grail to save them... Charasmania is the never ending search for the Holy Grail.

For instance... As a church staff you meet on Tuesday mornings to go over the results of Sunday morning. Tuesday is the best day because it takes the preacher a whole day to get over, or bounce back, from all he poured out on Sunday... (there is a reason for this and you will see why in a bit) ... They talk about very important things like, how the video went, were we on time, how worship sounded mainly "was it to loud", did the announcements go to long, was the message well received, was there a sense of community, how big was the offering, how was ministry time, did we ever go wrong anywhere? etc... just to name a few... sometimes they pray ... cool staffs do this over lunch in a pub ... Then they plan the next weeks service... They make small adjustments here and there and then decide a general direction... like "People are loving the series on the "Love of God" from the book of John, Lets turn the worship down a bit and do songs about how much we love God...oh yeah, and don't forget the kids..., Lets trust God for our finances, shorten up the announcements, be friendly and lets keep hoping that Holy Spirit will show up and do something ... they leave this meeting normally feeling inspired and excited about Sunday and the possibilities it holds... But, here is how the week unfolds after that meeting... Wednesday morning crazy #1 calls and tells you a dream they had about 5 geese and a large pond that dried up and left the geese stuck in the mud ... The worship leader sees a goose on the way to work and thinks she should write a song about a goose ... a board member has goose for dinner. Thursday morning comes... the email you receive from the intercessors tells you that they prayed for Sunday morning as usual and crazy #1 told them about the 5 geese in the mud, while he was talking crazy #2 fell over and crazy #3 had a vision while crazy#4 painted a picture of a goose on the churches art-wall crazy #5, an educated crazy, explains how the goose is the symbol of the Holy Spirit in Celtic Christianity, crazy #2 falls over again and begins to shake and honk ... #5 then explains that the presence of God as portrayed by the water and is drying up because of the lack of true Spiritual leadership, (no proof) and that the number five means grace... There fore the intercessors "Strongly Believe" that because of the lack of true spiritual leadership in the body that the presence of God is drying up and we are in a time of grace to repent before God. The Holy Spirit is stuck in the mud and will remain stuck and cant move until we as a body repent. ... Now the Mud is obviously "sin in the camp"... Their humble and tear-filled advise is that we have a public time of repentance for the leadership and a drama with ashes followed by a dance or dirge and no worship... just a time to wail... the worship person writes a children's song about a goose... You go home with a migraine. Friday you pray and seek God for direction, you ask your circle of friends, your inner circle, and your inner inner circle... You try to read John but feel lost trying to figure out who is sinning and how do geese fit into a "seamless" service that is supposed to be aimed at people who want to know God more... Your worship leader calls to ask if it would be okay to teach the kids a new song before they go off to kids church... you say "Yes" because its just a kids song... but don't ask to hear it. (You remember what it used to be like when you just partied all the time)... Saturday arrives and you go to soccer with your kids, go grocery shopping, spend time with the family, call the elders, spend some time with "the lost", answer calls about the youth-group activity, and spend a bit of time preparing for Sunday. Sunday finally arrives and you go to pre-service prayer... can you imagine what is about to happen... are you feeling a bit tense... are you laughing yet... nervously? In short ... Sunday starts... The opening prayer by a board member is preceded by a story about a great goose dinner, followed by worship that is to loud and a kids song about "Gordie the Goose who loves to Honk for Jesus" honk, honk, honk ... every time "goose" is mentioned another crazy falls over and honks, intercessors wail and visitors pee their pants a little bit... the announcements are going great until someone raises their hand to make a personal announcement "my pet dog "Goose" died, he was like a Father to me, ... followed by ministry at the front led by a very pastoral elder who "felt it was right" Then its your turn to preach... you have 5 minutes left of your 35 minute slot... your migraine is back... you stand and try to make sense of the whole thing by saying something clever... or funny... or meaningful ... your brain flips like an old Rolodex looking for an address... you say... "Open your Bibles to the book of John"... the honking continues, people are still praying at the side of the stage, the intercessors quietly moaning in prayer, the visitors "or pee pants as we should call them now" check their watches and look to you for some kind of answer hoping you can make sense out of all this chaos ... You think to yourself "Why the F-you-see-k do I put myself through this every week, I should not say the "F" word before I preach, sorry Lord ... you blow through your message trying to remember and feel Gods love. You invite people to come forward if they would have questions or would like to experience Gods love ... the ministry team comes forward to help ... Suddenly #5 is on the mic... how did he do that? ...He leads ministry time and works in the dream interpretation (which takes 40 minutes) #1 stands humbly beside the stage... crazies number 6 through 27 begin honking, crying, wailing and it begins to build and grow ... board member repents of eating a goose ... the symbol of the spirit "I ate the Holy Spirit" he proclaims... wailing erupts ... blah blah blah ... You feel like your contribution means nothing that you could have just stayed home with your wife ... You see it does not matter what you try to do... this event is scripted with a pre-determined outcome no matter what ... The problem is no one knows who is writing it ... Yeah, who is writing this script The only thing you can do to bring any kind of structure is become the most controlling, driven, heartless a-hole to ever run a church... But, then guess who the mud is... guess who is stopping the Holy Spirit now... yep, you guessed it... it is YOU and your controlling spirit! You are making baby Jesus Cry... God is totally quitting because of your actions and behaviour ... and Holy Spirit can do nothing while you are around. OMG Now, do this 52 weeks a year for ten ... that's 10 years ... 10 YEARS ... TEN %$#@&* YEARS!!! Its worth it though... because at the end of it just look at all the fruit... look at all you have... you have...??? Nothing. No Camelot, No Holy Grail, No "MORE". No wonder after I left I started drinking heavily, smoking and taking anti-depression medication all at the same time... No wonder the knights of the round table died. King Arthur was a nut-job to send them out on the search for the holy grail in the first place.

Like our culture we "the church" are never satisfied with what we have, even though, what we have is the best we can get. We have already seen the best ... (Jesus) ... But, we think, Jesus plus something else is better...Oh, and I know the verse that says "and we shall do even greater things than these" I know it and I believe it... But, honestly does what I just described sound like "greater things" than the works of Jesus?... really? ... come on? ... really? But, we still think ... If we could just have Jesus plus the Holy Grail then we could have Camelot back... Which would be great if Camelot existed... What could possibly be better than Gods answer to mans question ? ... Mans hypothetical question of "how do I get to God" was answered, by God, in the sending of His son Jesus. Yet, we still try to make the answer more meaningful or more tangible, or More by adding things to it ... Unfortunately, if you believe in a higher power, the answer has already been answered by the Higher power. How do I get to God ? (man asks) Jesus. (God answers) ... and That is the answer. There is no other answer. There is no more to the answer ... Jesus will always be the right answer, and, the complete answer. Mans second hypothetical question is if Jesus' life pleased God then how can I live or be or look or act like Jesus? The answer to this question was answered by Jesus when he promised to send His Spirit or Holy Spirit to all who would believe... Holy Spirit was given to each believer to show us, teach us, remind us, empower us and inspire us. Two honest questions with two honest answers. All major world religions look for a connector between God and man... That connector is Jesus. The way we know we are connected is Holy Spirit.

Charasmania always makes the right answer not enough. Charasmania always makes you feel like you are lacking, lesser than, smaller, blah-de-blah, etc. etc. ... Charasmania demands more ... and it will always demand more. because, it does not accept the answers as enough. The answers to mans biggest questions are answered ... If the answers are not good enough, you are doomed to keep searching for "More" and there is no more. It's like looking for a better heaven or a worse hell ... You will never find better than heaven and you will never find worse than hell. I have never heard a single person say, no matter what they believe ... "I deserve better that Heaven... there must be more" nor have I heard anyone say "That person deserves more than Hell". If I had a dollar for every time I have heard a believer say there must be more than this I would be a BOZILLIONARE! ... I thought the Non-believers where supposed to say "there must be more" and then believers are to respond "Yes, there is more and I have it." ... For Christ sake ... (and I mean for Christ sake... as in for the sake of Jesus Christ and all he represents) is it just me or is something backwards here?

Once again I found it very difficult to navigate through Big City of Charasmania I found it impossible to get a reading on Camelot and, if you have not noticed, there is no Holy Grail ... and ultimately this is what caused my physical, emotional and spiritual burn-out. The never ending Chaos, The constant howling of the Crazies and the demand for More and More, and More from those living in Charasmania... Not to mention the impossible task of finding anyone who would claim to have experience, or wisdom or insight into these kinds of things... I could find no real help... only suggestions or opinions or thoughts or theories ... I found sympathy and empathy ... I heard a many stories just like mine ... but got no real Biblical Wisdom, Experienced Direction or Leadership ... What I needed was someone with a backbone who would speak Biblical truth like I got back in Conservativille. I needed to feel something solid under my feet, a firm foundation, an anchor that holds ... a shield and a rock ... a light... but, I did not feel any of these things... The longer I tried to bring structure and leadership the more I felt lost, alone, and searching in the dark... and there were other knights, strong, good hearted, valiant knights of the round table who joined me in this quest ... but, I bet, if they are honest, they felt lost, alone and in the dark as well ... and many of them, like me have been beaten and bruised by this adventure. There where also some very wise and experienced men and women who joined me and gave there insight and we will discuss them soon ... It is because of these people that I have not given up all hope, and have not thrown in the towel and quit... I AM STILL A BELIEVER... a wiser, more experienced, believer.

Before I post this blog I want to be sure and help those of you who hear victim language in what I am writing to find peace ... I am using victim language on purpose... Because, I am a victim. Some of you reading this are victims right now, and some of you have been victims in the past and have found health and wholeness... and I am very happy for you. I am a victim ... But, at the same time I chose this path. I chose to move to the city... I choose to do the things I did. I will not blame anyone for my choice to chase after something illusive. I am a manifestation of the choices I make in life... I am not living as a victim, I am not living in the past, I am telling stories about my past to gain wisdom... wisdom gained from experience ... So I can help those who choose to run after something illusive to live a better life while in the chase and to catch what they a really chasing ... without burnout ... or breakdown. I am present-future minded and my future is very bright ... I am pressing on toward the goal ... I am still in the race.

My next Blog will be my opinion on "How" ... "How to transition and keep your Friends" ... "How to be Baptized in the Spirit without drowning your friends"... and so on ... Cya

Chaos, Crazies, and Charasmania.."Part 3"

1948 Mercury Truck

Moving from "Conservativille" to "Charamatropolis" was easy ... all you need for a smooth move is a nice truck. Though totally unrelated to my post I thought I should work in a picture of the truck I am building for my wife... "The Queen of Hearts"... so moving and truck worked well for me ... and you get to see that I am not just a jaded, hurt loser ... oh no! I am a jaded, hurt, loser with some serious skills.

The first time I can remember meeting "Crazy Wolf" was after a concert in the city. I was still living in "Conservativille" and had gone on one of my trips to the city to get a little refueling and to get a break from "Chaos" (the first wolf in our story). Now, don't forget, "Chaos" was still chewing me to bits ... there was not a day, or night, when he did not come sniffing around looking for some small morsel or bone to gnaw away on. When I met "Crazy Wolf" it was a very entertaining relief from the serious amount of concentration it required to deal with "Chaos". We laughed and talked about the concert, talked about how wonderful it was to experience a whole new kind of relationship with God and could not wait to see what would happen next. At the next event "Crazy Wolf" saw me from across the room and ran over to make sure I met the entire "Crazy Wolf Crew". You see, I learned that this type of wolf runs in loosely undefined packs which allow them to remain committed to their crazy ways and antics feel secure and safe ... while remaining UN-committed to anything that makes them feel like they are losing their freedom. Yet, they are a very fun group of people to go to a concert with... they are so much fun ... they laugh alot, and really loud, they sing and dance and enjoy every part of the concert to the fullest. These "Crazies" as I call them also seem to be able to attend every concert the city has to offer... they are always there, and always happy to be there ... I loved hanging out with the "Crazies" ... they made me laugh ... made me feel less crazy ... made my chaos seem unimportant ... and made every part of life, other than the times spent at concerts, seem less serious ... less stressful ...


Over time I began to notice something about the "Crazy Wolf Crew" ... they were CRAZY!!! They never stopped being crazy ... and because they were crazy all the time ... people, at the concerts, in "Conservativille", in "Charasmatropolis", in the mall, at the coffee shop, ... everybody ... thought they were crazy ... Because they are crazy! These "Crazy Wolves" care only about one thing ... the way they feel ... their feelings run the show ... not just a little bit ... their feelings Completely run their entire life ... If you hurt their feelings in anyway shape or form they will turn on you and make others believe you have become the most unsafe, dangerous person on the planet. These "Crazy Wolves" have worked on the sense of "feeling" so much they can actually feel things that are not real, not there, that do not even exist ... and, they can emote with such pain ans sincerity that they cause others to borrow their offense and feel hurt on thier behalf. These "Crazy Wolves" are committed to only one thing ... Their own freedom ... complete, un-contested, un-realistic, and un-defined freedom... They actually think that no one has the right to impose any requests or parameters on their behavior at all ... and, the second you do, is when the "Wolf" in the "Crazy Wolf" shows up. When "The Crazy Wolf Crew" feel trapped or un-free they will attack ... and will do so with cunning and precision that you would not expect from such a loosely defined and fun loving group ... but, make no mistake about it, they are more dangerous than "Chaos" ... their goal is to end your life not just annoy it.

"Crazy Wolf"

"A picture is worth a thousand words" ... as seen above, "Crazy Wolves" look like fun and seem harmless ... but, note the large teeth, eyes, and ears. These fun loving, thrill seeking mammals have been trained by the cities finest.

Their "big ears" have heard more sermons, inspirational talks, motivational moments and broad observations than any other animal of their kind ... they have lots of information at their disposal ... they invest in tapes, c.d.'s, d.v.d's, books, work books etc. They use this information to protect themselves when they feel attacked ... They have not experienced any of the information they have consumed therefore they are not wise ... just informed ... informed not transformed ... they live to be free and to feel.

Their "big eyes" have seen so many things in the city and they speak with such apparent understanding and experience yet their self proclaimed experience and understanding only serves their own desires to feel and be free ... what they see does not change them or transform them it only encourages them to see more ... they can't even see how their actions effect others.

Their "big teeth" just help them chew you up ... It's their "Big Tongue" that does the most damage. "Crazy Wolves" know how to say things that make others feel like they need to be protected. "Crazy Wolves" use their tongues to cause people to feel as though they are being attacked and endangered ... they sulk, and pout, and become quiet ... when others ask what is wrong they use the cunning tongue to encourage others to speak out on their behalf ... to protect them... to speak out on behalf of the poor, neglected, hurt, ... angry, hungry, selfish "Crazy Wolf" ... and then after causing as much damage and harm as possible ...

They Leave.

Remember, the "Crazy Wolf" is only committed to feelings and freedom and nothing else ... They will never stay in one place, never put down roots and never build for the long haul. Their very nature demands that they keep moving ... they must continue to experience new and higher heights of feelings ... they must find more and free-er freedom. The "Crazy Wolves" never stop ... they will continue to flow through your city concerts and events ... howling at the moon. "Crazy Wolves" scare people, confuse people, and cause non-crazies to experience stress and discomfort to the point that they can only hear the howling wolves and nothing else ... As "Chaos" wears you down and makes your weak ... the "Crazy Wolf" circles, looking like they need a home but, what they really want,

... is a meal ...

Chaos, Crazies and Charamania ... "Part 2"

"Conservativille"

In my last blog I gave a little peek into my journey and adventure from my home town "conservativille" to the big wild city of "Charasmatropolis". The move for me was very fast and at first felt like a perfect fit, but, over time, began to make me feel more like I had "lost" my way than "found" my way... and, like I said at the end of the last blog, I think I know why.





The first thing that happened when I experienced the real, true, and exciting encounter with God was "Chaos". By chaos I mean the feeling of having all of your life poured into one of those dime store christmas snow domes and having some gorilla shake the s--t out of it. I suddenly had a gift, that a couple days ago I did not believe in, I suddenly realized I did not know as much as I thought I did, I suddenly realized I had only lived or known one dimension of this "Christian" life I truely thought I was fully living ... this chaos seemed to leak into every part of my life. Now remember I was still living in "Conservativille" and even though I looked for help, I could not find anyone in my town who could help me understand what had happened. So, I began to look for help outside of our town, I began to read books that our little towns library did not stock, I began to venture outside of the city limits to see what the big city had to offer, I even went to concerts, and events held in the big city... I know, dangerous, but sooo much fun... I felt so at home ... my chaos felt at peace in the chaos of the big city.





On my trips to the city I met new people and made new friends... thier story was alot like mine. They had the same interests and abilities that I did and they seemed to know how to use them. They were not afraid to talk about them, laugh at them, or even play with them to see what could happen. I met people who had alot of experience in the big city and offered to show me around... these people told me things about myself that only I knew... my deep heart desires. I found myself wanting to spend more and more time in the city... I felt so out of place in little Conservativille... I felt like my friends there did not understand me ... I felt like there was no one there who could help me... when I was in Conservativille my chaos would increase until I could hardly breath. When I was in the big city I felt peaceful, understood, encouraged and my chaos seemed to disappear... So, I moved to the Big City... I packed up my life and moved to Charasmatropolis. I thought the chaos would go away...but, it did not. It seemed the move only increased the problem ... I lost all of my friends in Conservativille, I did'nt get invited to any parties, concerts or events ... some people, not everyone, in Conservativille (those who feared the big city Charasmatropolis) did all they could to make sure I knew I was not welcome in Conservativille anymore. This only caused my chaos to increase and in order to live in the big city I moved my heart from Conservativille as well... something I never wanted to do.

"Charasmatropolis"

You see, I love Conservativille. It is where I grew up ... where all my childhood friends are ... all the people I admired as a child and wanted to be like when I was grown... The people who taught me things I could never learn in the big city, you know, that home town wisdom and understanding that comes from being in the same place for a long time and having deep roots... deep roots. Conservativille taught me that there are things in life that are constant and unmovable... that grey is not a good color to paint everything with ... My life was strong and secure and solid and sure and successful... No wonder they thought I had lost my mind when I entered into such massive chaos... No wonder they thought I was making a big mistake when I moved to Charasmatropolis. You see, I would have never left Conservativille if someone there would have helped me learned how to embrace what I was going through without denying the positive effects it was having on my life... but, no one would or could ... If someone would have been curious and walked with me in the chaos I would have built a home in Conservativille.





Chaos is healthy and is necessary when you need and desire transformation. After chaos has its season, structure begins to emerge and take shape to enable the new life to find strength, or something to lean on, until the new life can stand on its own ... Chaos must come to an end, structure must follow or chaos will continue to create more chaos. Things like structure and wisdom and curiousity both strenghten and protect ... they bring chaos to an end and cause a strong and sustainable life.





My move to Charasmatropolis seemed to build a greenhouse for chaos to flourish while at the same time making it nearly impossible for a person to find things like structure and wisdom. When I realized that the chaos in Charasmatropolis may never stop I knew I would not be able to live like this forever ... I had no idea what would happen but I knew it would get me... like a hungry old bear or like a crafty old wolf ... yes three old hungry wolves... The first one attacks and his name is chaos ... while you are still spinning from chaos ... the second wolf named crazies begins to circle ... we will talk about this crazy wolf in part three.

Chaos, Crazies and Charasmania `part one``

My name is ``Jesse Padgett`` a 46 year old kustom car builder, a professional entertainer and the number one ``Jesse Padgett`` on the internet according to goggle search engines ... (which is very cool) ... But, let's just be honest... I am a Believer ... and even worse a Charasmatic Believer ... a Baptized by fire, blood washed, tounge speaking, annointed ... etc. etc. blah, blah, blah, Charasmatic ...... But, not by choice ... not by training or education ... and not by tradition ... (I`m thinking it is just random selection or maybe God`s twisted sense of humor and desire for good video)

I was born and raised in a little town in Missouri called Marblehill. My Mom and Dad became believers when I was very young and I began to believe when I was 5 or 6... my brother Jack told me a very compelling story about hell and my fingers burning off at bedtime and I decided to get things right with God... (well, I was 5, and had lived a very sinful life ever since I entered Kindergarden ... yes, my teacher was a hot blonde with big boob's and a beefont hair-do... I totally lusted after her) ... and my journey as a believer began.

We, as a family, went to a very conservative, evangelical, Plymouth Brethren Church that inspired me to become an evangelist and eventually enter into ``Full Time`` ministry... Which I have faithfully and happily done for most of my adult life.

I entered Bible college in 1983 and was ordained, or commended (for the first time...) in 1987... and in 1994 I had my first of many powerful and transforming encounters with God... (Penticostals would call this being filled or baptised in the Spirit, a revival, an awakening or a renewal)... but, it just freaked me out... I was neither trained nor prepared for this type of tranformation and was definately not desiring it... all I really know is that something happened, it was awesome, and it transformed my life.

Through many strange, super-natural and unexplainable events I ended up being the Sr. Pastor of a very influential Vineyard church in Langley B.C. I remember saying to a friend as a youth pastor in Montreal that if I could go to any church in the world it would be `The Langley Vineyard``... two years later I was living in B.C. and leading ``The Langley Vineyard``... see what I mean.

Now, not to brag, ... but, to BRAG! ... I am really good at what I do ... I am an incredible preacher/motivational speaker, ... Incredible ... I have preached to hundreds of thousands of people all over the world with great success ... I have a very powerful gift ... a gift that inspires people to believe what they do not believe ... Powerful ... I have seen things that you would not believe unless you saw them yourself and even I sometimes doubt even though I did see them ... and when it comes to doing what I believe... I do, and am what I believe ... to a fault ... and at the risk of ending my career ... I am authentic, honest and truthful ... I am, and have always been influencial, an early adaptor, a change agent and a trend setter in the business of church... but, this new thing I started leading in 1998 was a wild and unpredictable beast that was out to kill me from the very start ... and it did ... and I think I know why.

The "Greatest Mom" I ever had.

On March the 11th 1934 one of the greatest people I have ever met was born... My Mom.  She was a gift from God to Barney and Mattie May Welker.  Mattie May, or Grandma Welker, was a tiny woman with a giant spirit married to a very big man who loved to play the banjo and the fiddle and loved Redman chewing tobacco.  They were sharecroppers and loggers and horse trainners, horse traders and hard working, strong people who knew what they believed and believed it with all their heart.  My Grandma and Grandpa had 11 kids 5 died but, Von, Virgil, Leroy, Adelle, May-Dean, and My Mom lived to tell the stories.  They may have been very poor but, they were rich in spirit and the most colorful characters I have ever known. 

Mom's first chore was to count the chickens in the morning through the slats in the floor of her bedroom and she has never stopped working.  She worked at the Marblehill Hat Factory for most of the years she was raising "us kids" and in her spare time helped those less fortunate than herself... even at a youthful 75, she still cares for the "little old people" of Bollinger County.  My Mom is very compassionate, she see's people... she feel's their need... and she takes action to meet those needs.  My Mom is very, very strong... she is so strong you sometimes forget she has needs of her own. My Mom is very encouraging... to this day and for the rest of my life I have this little voice in my head... this little video tape that plays over and over... My Mom would look me in the eyes and would say "Jesse, you can do anything you set your mind to"... and you know what... I can!  I can, because My Mom says I can.  My Mom can fix anything... she can make wonderful meals from nothing... she can make your toothache go away with a little whiskey on a cotton ball... She can get you back on track with just a look...  She thinks she was so mean when she punished us but all I can remember was trying not to giggle... My Mom loves Jesus or "The Lord Jesus" as she would say, with all her heart... she seriously wants to please Him by the way she lives her life... she is a sinner and reminds herself of this everyday to keep herself from judging, or being a hypocrite.  My Mom is honest and authentic... what you see is what you get.  My Mom is very lovable.

So, Happy Birthday Mom!!!  I am very proud of you and of your life... I am proud that you: Iva Dean "Lanora" Welker are My Mom...

Your Son,...

ie/aka Snotnosed Jones, Knothead, Mr Banjo, or (your "baby" boy),

and proud of it...

Jesse

PS... this is not a picture of My Mom... My Mom is much prettier.

Beer Suit

I was thinking today about the old saying "Beer Goggles"... and the implications there of.  "Beer Goggles" for those of you who do not know, is the effect that beer has on your eyes.  Apparently, when you drink beer it has an effect on your eyes causing you and all other people around you to become better looking.  To the point that you end up with someone you would never normally be attracted to in any way shape or form... (Thus leading us to another topic of the three phases of ugly... but, that is another topic)  Therefore, you see someone at 7:00 pm that you are not attracted to, drink beer... which automatically puts on your beer goggles,... and by ten o'clock the unattractive person from 7:00 has become the most attractive and desired person on earth... This is the "Beer Goggle Effect".

I believe however that beer when consumed actually creates an alter ego that overtakes our entire body until the effects of the beer wears off.  Thus I introduce the concept of the Beer Suit... complete with Goggles.  I have heard that when a person drinks beer not only do they see things differently they also hear differently, talk differently, walk differently and feel differently.  It seems that all of the person you knew before the consumption of beer has disappeared and you are now dealing with your friend in a "Beer Suit" ... Oh, they may look the same, but, make no mistake about it, the Beer Suit is in complete control.  I have also observed that the "Beer Suit" actually stays completely undisturbed and fully in control even while some or all of the beer drinkers clothes are removed...amazing.  

So, my friends be very careful when you consume beer... the "Beer Suit" is waiting... and once you put the "Beer Suit" on it will have it's way... It thinks it can dance, but, it can't... It thinks it's saying the right thing...but, it's not... and on and on and on... Beware of the "Beer Suit"   

IT WORK'S

I'm just checking to see if anyone is still checking my BLOG. I have been extremely busy with the shop and other creative ventures. So have neglected or actually forgotten I had this Blog sight until my dear ol dad said he loved reading my blog. He is in Indiana so its kinda his way of checking in on his son... then my sister who lives in Michigan and Phoenix said the same thing... and when I saw my mom, who lives in Missouri, she showed me pictures that a friend had downloaded and printed up for her... cause she dont understand the internet or them there computers... I was kinda impressed with how the interenet and social networking tools are really helping family and friends stay connected. Wow, it only took 20+ years but, we have finally seen the computer do what it was designed to do...be personal.